Your Sympathy Is Not Sacrifice

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight." -Romans 12:15-16

When someone is crying or looks visibly upset, a person's first instinct is to ask "What's wrong?" 
Sometimes that question comes out in a soothing, gentle tone. Sometimes it comes out in a surprised manner. Sometimes it comes out as irritated or exasperated.

 In the worst times, it comes out as sad and wheedling.

 "What's wrong?"

 When someone asks me this question, I can evaluate how much they care for a in-depth response, or not.

 If I can tell someone really is just asking as an instinct, and is someone I don't really know, I answer:
"I'm fine!"
"Oh, it's nothing, I'm just tired."
"Nothing's wrong! Sorry, did I look upset?"
"There's just this thing bothering my contact! I'm not crying."

 Or, if they really seem concerned, I know them a little, or I am desperate, then I am honest.

 "I'm really depressed. I could barely get out of bed today."
"I don't want to be here because of my anxiety."
"I just want to break down in tears because of the monsters in my head."
"I'm tired of fighting. I want to stop."

 And people respond in many different ways. 

 "I will pray for you. I love you, okay?"
"If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask me."
"Can I get you anything to help?"

 And then...there's sympathy.

 "I'm sooo sorry!"
"Wow, that sucks."
"It'll get better, don't worry."
"Just smile! Happiness is a choice."
"Don't say that! You're scaring me."

And I go on my way, feeling bad about myself, thinking I'm not trying hard enough, or not worthy of understanding or help. These responses make me want to shut down and just pretend things are okay to avoid hearing them again.

Your sympathy is not a sacrifice. 

It does not take much original thought or deep feeling to fire back a typical response to someone's pain. 

Sympathy is not empathy. Sympathy is usually not helpful. Sympathy can bring more pain.

Sympathy is flimsy. 

I remember I once opened up about my panic attacks to some of my classmates. Here are their word-for-word responses:

"Do you have a disease? Is it contagious?"
"You might be possessed by a demon."
"That really sucks, maybe it'll just go away."
"You'll probably grow out of it. Just suck it up."
"That's really weird. You should get that checked by a doctor."

These responses have stuck in my head since they left the mouths of those individuals. They sometimes drown out the helpful responses and choke my motivation to ask for help and open up to others in honesty about my condition.

Please be careful when someone is honest to you about what they are going through. If you are going to ask "What's wrong?" be prepared for honest answers, and possibly some things that will shock you. 

Choose you words carefully. Avoid cliche responses. Be kind, be gentle, and be hopeful.

Sympathy is not a sacrifice. True, deep, and mindful empathy and love is. 

 So the next time you see someone crying, upset, or even listless, be prepared. 

 Because the second you ask "Hey, what's wrong?" you open up the possibility to help that person.

And there are those who really need to be asked. 

 -Amanda

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