Bipolar Playlist: 10 Songs for Mental Health (Part 2)

Credit: Kimberose Photography
Just shortly after writing my first Bipolar Playlist post I literally found some new songs and thought of some other songs I had forgotten that also help me through my rough times and depression spells. So, I felt compelled to make this part 2 playlist! 

(In no particular order):

1. Never Say Die by CHVRCHES
Weren't you trying forgiveness and weren't you trying to stay? / Weren't you trying to look up and weren't you trying to pray? /Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that? / Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?

This is a new release from CHVRCHES as of March 2018. I know I had quite a few CHVRCHES songs in my previous playlist post. Their sound is so amazing and this song, in particular, relates to resisting suicidal thoughts and persisting through the pain. So often I find myself saying and thinking to myself "I just want to die." It takes so much strength to not give those words the power to coalesce into reality. Never say die. 

2. Lions! by LIGHTS
Lions make you brave, / Giants give you faith, / Death is a charade. / You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid.

I remember when I found this song and immediately thought it was a biblical song relating heavily to David and Goliath, but many arguing in the comments section on YouTube said LIGHTS wrote this song about World of Warcraft and Christians need to stop "claiming" this song. Well, here I am "claiming" this song as an inspirational biblical reminder for myself. Even when I am surrounded by disaster and my brain is screaming "EMERGENCY" due to my bipolar disorder, I can be safe even when I am afraid because God has me in His care. 

3. Pardon Me by He Is We
I've got my eyes set on you / My heart is burning red / All of my words come out wrong / Run circles in my head / You had me and I melted / In the palm of your hand / You know it, yes I felt it / You'll never understand

This is probably about painful love, but this song helps me sing back to those crushing fears that people just don't understand my illness and who I am because of it. I want them to have a "sincere heart" when they tell me they don't understand - it's better to hear the truth than for them to pretend to know what I am going through. My friends and family honestly admit they do not know what I go through, what I feel, and that they don't understand. However, they are still here for me and support me, loving through the bitter notes and chords of this song. 

4. Human by Christina Perri
I can turn it on / Be a good machine / I can hold the weight of worlds / If that’s what you need / Be your everything

Cliche song? Eh, maybe. But this song reminds me of my humanity, the inability for me to do it all. Sometimes, when I am experiencing episodes of hypomania, I feel like I am unbreakably happy, can bring joy to everyone around me, and be a perfectly content person. But then the depression crashes back in and I am left utterly devastated and feeling completely disgusting and robot-like in my motions and emotions. I try to process everyone's needs around me with no regard for my own due to hating myself. I need to be reminded I am only flesh and blood, fallible and weak, and I need to love myself too. 

5. Savages by Marina and The Diamonds
Original version     


"Nightcore" version 
(slightly sped up) 

 All the hate coming out from a generation / Who got everything, and nothing, guided by temptation / Were we born to abuse, shoot a gun and run / Or has something deep inside of us come undone? / Is it a human trait, or is it learned behavior / Are you killing for yourself, or killing for your savior?

I included two versions of this song because I personally like the Nightcore version better, especially for running/working out. This song's message is pretty bleak and damning of the human race. The original song came out in 2015 but the Nightcore version posted above was posted March 2018 - this song's lyrics are incredibly relevant to recent news events and everyday newscasts on TV. As a Christian, we know the "savagery" of humanity, how sin has brought us into a state of utter depravity with little regard or care for one another. We give in to our carnal desires and material wants so easily. I feel this disgust towards myself due to my mental illness: I feel like a bag of blood and bones taking up unnecessary space, popping pills on the daily to function in a world of chaos. But I know God has a purpose for my life, so I continue on in this life. This song just gives me an outlet for my feelings. 

6. Over My Head - Echosmith

You take the simplest thing and always complicate it / Talking in circles, got me dizzy like a merry go round / It shouldn't be so hard to have a conversation / I'm sick of fighting with your ego, I wish you would admit

This song relates to a certain person in my life who I struggle with and to my own likes and dislikes. My top dislike in personality for others is arrogance. Arrogance immediately turns me off from people, and I do not put up with it. This relates to my mental illness because people throughout my life love to play doctor for me and nag and push their 'solutions' on me. It isn't nice, it isn't kind, and it isn't empathetic. I kind of touched on this in my post "Your Sympathy Is Not Sacrifice" - unless empathy is flowing from your words and actions towards me, I won't be willing to listen. I'll just let your words go over my head. 

7. Home by Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams (from RWBY)
But even when we stumble / And someday when we fall / What I will remember / That I had you through it all

Want to cry? Here you go! This amazing song comes from one of my favorite shows called RWBY. Again, this song relates to a specific person in my life. However, I love and adore this person though we sometimes have conflicts. We do stumble and fall over each other due to misunderstandings and uncertainty in connection. He doesn't understand my bipolar disorder and I don't understand how to accept that. But we work together to be a family to each other and our circle of friends, and he brings me home to peace. I am safe there. I am loved there. He is my family. 

8. The Comeback by Danny Gokey 
You feel the lightning, the thunder, your soul shakes / Under the roar of the heaven the tide breaks / And from the ashes you will take your place / Here comes the comeback

An awesome Christian song that isn't overly preachy or cheesy? GIVE IT TO ME. Here is an encouraging number for those who are experiencing a low and need a pump-up anthem. I love this song for running and metaphorically punching Satan in the face. It gets my spirits up, my eyes toward Jesus, and my feet ready to run to His grace.

9. Healer by Kari Jobe
You hold my very moment / You calm my raging seas / You walk with me through fire / And heal all my disease / I trust in You, Lord I trust in You

This song was my pre-teen anthem for when my panic attacks and anxieties were un-diagnosed and unexpalined. I clung to these lyrics to get me through the pain I was experiencing, hoping for God to fully heal me. I know now bipolar disorder is incurable, but I also know God gave me this for a reason, and I can sing this to His glory for hope and help. 

10. 1-800-273-8255 by Logic

I've been praying for somebody to save me, no one's heroic / And my life don't even matter, I know it, I know it / I know I'm hurting deep down but can't show it / I never had a place to call my own / I never had a home, ain't nobody callin' my phone / Where you been? Where you at? What's on your mind? / They say every life precious but nobody care about mine

Of course, this song makes this list. I've sung this in the shower, my tears mixing with the water. I've sung this in my car, desperately gasping for air. I've sung this hoping someone hears me. If you didn't know, this song's name is the phone number for The Suicide Hotline. I actually texted the Crisis Text Line number for help, and that is what caused the police to come to my house in the spring of 2017. I was alone, I was afraid, and I wanted to kill myself more than ever before. This song truly is a beautiful metamorphosis of emotion and desire that marks my life as someone with bipolar disorder. You go from only wanting to die, to only wanting to be loved. It's a balance of dark and light, where you hope to God in the depth of your soul someone finds you. 

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