Fawn & Lamb

This is a response to the previous blog post I wrote on July 7th. "I am starting to understand why people say there cannot be a God because of all of the pain and suffering around us. I am starting to understand why people say that if there was a God, He is not good or loving but cruel and sadistic. I am starting to understand why faith wavers and wanes. I am losing ground and have slid so close to the pit of Hell that I am no longer burning: I am on fire. I am on fire with anger. I am so angry at God." ------------------------------------------------------------- July 3rd of this year, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. She evaluated me and had me completely quit Celexa, a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI). It helps treat depression.  She explained that this medication was causing the mania that I had been experiencing, and told me to not wean off of it. This caused me to have severe symptoms - it is not advised to quit an anti-depressant with...

I am starting to understand why people say there cannot be a God because of all of the pain and suffering around us. I am starting to understand why people say that if there was a God, He is not good or loving but cruel and sadistic. I am starting to understand why faith wavers and wanes. I am losing ground and have slid so close to the pit of Hell that I am no longer burning: I am on fire. I am on fire with anger. I am so angry at God. I laid awake all night last night crying. Crying because I hate my life. Crying because I feel my friends are fake and cheating me. Crying because I hate myself. Crying because of how my medications make me feel. Crying because I am weak. Crying because I feel like God hates me and I hate Him. I run from Him now. I know I am. I am intentionally running from Him. I know what good strong Christians will say: Well, THAT'S why you're on fire, why you're in so much pain. Here's my answer: You. Have. NO. Idea. What. My. Life....

It is incredibly painful when I hear that people think that mental illnesses are a “special snowflake” or “millennial problem.” Many do not realize that mental illnesses have existed for centuries - they are just now being brought to a more public light due to modernity and advancements in the medical field. Mental illnesses are NOT well understood - both by the every day individual and professionals, but extensive work and research is going into determining the causes and symptoms of different mental illnesses and disorders. Since they are not “visible” people often discount them as not actually existing and simply being a way for people to seek attention, gain access to drugs, or a myriad of other excuses. The plain truth is that mental illnesses DO exist. And they CAN be visibly seen. Brain scans show the differences between a “normal” brain and the brain of someone with a mental illness. Medications are developed to specifically combat the symptoms of mental illness, an...

Source: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/0b/09/13/0b0913fcddd748e223ed15ff30f6b941.jpg Job Continues: Where Then Is My Hope?   17  “My spirit is broken; my days are  extinct;      the graveyard is ready for me. Surely there are mockers about me,      and my eye dwells on their  provocation.   “Lay down a pledge for me with you;      who is there who will put up  security for me? Since you have closed their hearts to understanding,      therefore you will not let them triumph.   He who informs against his friends to get a share of their property—      the  eyes of his children will fail. “He has made me  a byword of the peoples,      and I am one before whom men spit.   My  eye has grown dim from vexation,      and all my members are like  a shadow.   The ...