Fawn & Lamb

Source: tenpacesanddraw.com This is my decade in review....in brief.  To be honest, some of these years were not as important as others. I think that's normal in life, though. They were all precious and had amazing memories, but some years take more digging up and dusting off to fully remember what happened. I want to focus mainly on the big events that happened and leave the minor details to my own remembrance.  Let's begin. 2010 13 → 14 years old I began high school I lost my beloved Papa (grandpa) to cancer; he was buried in Iowa I became a Christian; God opened my eyes and I began following Him 2011 14 → 15 years old I met Tyler in December 2012 15 → 16 years old Tyler and I began dating in March (I was 15!!). He was my first boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend Tyler graduated high school and began college at California Baptist University I went to my first Owl City concert with my mom and sister I began seeing specialists for my panic...

January. February. March. April. June. July. August. September. Fall, to me, is the best time of year. When the leaves die, yet they change. When people intentionally dress up and let themselves free, despite wearing masks. When the cold becomes to come, and the sharpness makes one alert. Autumn. September. I began my student-teaching on September 5th. I was placed at Santiago High in Corona. I had never heard of the school before in my life. I dressed up all nice, actually did my hair, and drove there in the early morning. I got to see the sunrise over the school. It felt telling of my time there. I met my master teacher, a powerhouse of a woman. She immediately hugged me and told me how excited she was to have me. It eased my nerves. I watched the students pour in. I just watched and smiled, absolutely terrified on the inside. I did not yet understand the school's schedule, so I did not know I was only meeting a portion of the students I would be teach...

Source: Sad Ghost Club 2019 is finally coming to a close. I am both relieved and a little apprehensive. I think that is normal with any year coming to an end. 2019 was one of the toughest years of my life. Yet, as the saying goes, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. With anything, it is always best to start at the beginning. When I rang in the new year back in January, I was sitting in a hot tub under the stars with my fiance and, at the time, my best friend of over five years. From here on out, I will reference this friend as M. We were laughing, talking, joking, and sharing our hopes and dreams for the new year. We made a promise to one another to be open and honest, and to help one another through our dark times. We reminisced over 2018 and made new goals for ourselves. We went to bed and went to Denny's the following morning. It felt so simple, yet so magical. January ended up going by in a blur. February came, and I suffered my first loss of the year....

Sometimes God says, "I told you so." There are plenty of warnings and instances of chastisement in Scripture. God lays out His expectations clearly, and we fall short of them every day. I fall short of them every day. Today my focus verse from my devotion is Isaiah 48:17. Thus says the Lord,     your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God,     who teaches you to profit,     who leads you in the way you should go. The NIV translation says “I am the Lord your God,      who teaches you what is best for you,     who directs you in the way you should go. I so often love to pretend I know what is best for me. The problem is, however, I do not think I deserve the best. Or anything good. I have struggled with self-worth, self-hate, and self-depreciation for years. I have struggled to find the root cause of my feelings towards myself. This year amplified all of those feelings, but God also brought m...